


Let Me in Your Arms

by Cake and Pi (Tarrin)



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Asexual Character, Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mildly angsty mostly fluff, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 09:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12295845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarrin/pseuds/Cake%20and%20Pi
Summary: Roy had gone on patrol hoping to find enough action to stop himself from thinking. Instead, it’s apparently a national holiday for villains or some shit. A week before, and he’d be glad for this peacefulness. But that was before Kaldur had kissed him.





	Let Me in Your Arms

He’d gone on patrol tonight hoping to find enough action to stop himself from thinking. Instead, it’s apparently a national holiday for villains or some shit, so he’s only stopped a few robberies. Things he could have taken care of in his sleep.

He flips through the League channels once; twice. Then the Team’s. There’s nothing but idle chatter - it’s a slow night for everyone.

“Jeez, where’s a supervillain when you need them?” He grumbles to himself. A week before, and he’d be glad for this peacefulness. But that was before Kaldur had kissed him, all chapped lips and clumsily bumping his nose against Roy’s. Kaldur had blushed furiously after, dark enough to see, and Roy had been too stunned to tease him about it then. And then he’d grinned, which had stolen Roy’s breath far more than that kiss, and Roy knew he was doomed.

Roy runs a hand through his hair in frustration. Because stars above does he want to see Kaldur smile like that again, but he’s also not entirely sure what Kaldur _wants_ from him. He knows what people have wanted from him in the past. And how that’s ended, each and every time. _Fuck, Roy, why can’t you just do this one thing_ \- His fingers twist into his hair and pull. No. No, this is Kaldur. There’s no way Kaldur would say anything even _remotely_ like that. But he’d want _that_ eventually, wouldn’t he? Everyone did.

It’d be smarter to stop this before it even starts. But that _smile_ …

He’s so doomed.

* * *

Roy’s heart beats harder to see Kaldur waiting for him at his weapons cache when he finally gives up on anything happening on tonight’s patrol. He tries to wipe his suddenly sweaty hands on his pants inconspicuously. “Sup?” _Real smooth, Roy, total charmer there._ Roy stows his weapons with uncharacteristic haste, and has to force himself to slow down to avoid setting off his trick arrows.

Kaldur smiles at him, in that way makes Roy feel like he’s been blessed with a treasure, before turning away so Roy can change clothes in privacy. “Not much. Rogues have been keeping unusually quiet this entire month.”

“Something big is doubtlessly in the works,” Roy says, more for something to say than that he thinks Kaldur wouldn’t have already thought of that. Changed and his mask shoved into a jeans pocket, they exit the small room into an alleyway. Kaldur hums, and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his civvies. He doesn’t try to kiss Roy, and Roy finds himself agitated by that. “You hungry? Let’s go grab something before the world starts waking up and shit gets crowded.”

Kaldur hesitates. “I had thought, maybe…”

Roy grabs his arm and pulls him along. “You had thought, my place? Not without a date first.” He does his best to ignore the nerves twisting his stomach into knots. He doesn’t get to be nervous when he’s the one who said ‘date’. Not that he meant it. He doesn’t think. Maybe? But Kaldur being so close is doing funny things to him, like making it hard to concentrate on anything except how it might feel if Kaldur kissed him again.

“I didn’t bring money with me, Roy.” Kaldur hisses as they reach an all night diner. “I’ll pay you back.”

“Don’t worry about it. My treat.” He tries not to dwell on how Kaldur has yet to fuss about the word ‘date.’  Or how this is a really bad idea and he shouldn’t be encouraging this. That particular feeling can stuff itself inside a box and _go away_. This isn’t going to destroy their friendship. Can’t. They’re stronger than that.

* * *

The sun is up and both of them are full and yawning by the time they reach Roy’s Star City apartment. Well, Roy is yawning. Kaldur seems just fine, which, the guy has been in Atlantis the past few weeks. Different time zone and all that shit. “Do you want to come inside?” Roy isn’t sure of what answer he wants. _No_ would put an end to his worrying, but also his hopes. _Yes_ would be laden with pitfalls he’s not ready to deal with.

“Another time?” Kaldur bites his lip, as if _he’s_ the one conflicted. “I am supposed to be on monitor duty at the Watchtower soon.”

“You don’t want coffee or anything?” He asks, mostly to be polite. He knows Kaldur doesn’t drink the stuff. Okay, maybe because he doesn’t want Kaldur to go.

Kaldur shakes his head, and then pauses. Grins shyly. “Well, there might be one thing.” And steps close enough that Roy can feel his breath on his face.

Oh.

“You… did say this was a date, right?” Kaldur asks when Roy just stands there. Fight or flight be damned, frozen like a deer about to be steamrollered is more like it. “Roy?”

The growing uncertainty threading through Kaldur’s voice brings him crashing back to the here and now.

“Sorry.” Roy says, which he hasn’t said something so in the moment foolish since… well, he’s sure he’s done something worse. It’s not coming to mind at the moment though. Kaldur steps back instantly, already ducking his head and mumbling some apology and Roy could kick himself. “I was wool gathering. I… I would like that. Yeah.” 

Kaldur freezes, eyes wide and hopeful and somehow also wary. He doesn’t move closer however, so this time it’s Roy that closes the distance between them. Kaldur’s lips are just as chapped as last time, maybe even more. At least their noses escape unscathed this time. “You should get some chapstick,” Roy comments as he pulls back. Kaldur’s eyes flutter open, and it’s like watching the sun rise on his face when he smiles.

He is doomed, and he does not care.

* * *

The big thing that the supervillain underworld went quiet for eventually explodes. Literally.

The League and the Team have their hands full keeping up with damage control. There’s no time for worrying over things like feelings and kissing and all the things said kissing might lead to. Not when a half dozen cities are on fire.

By the time it’s all over, Roy could swear his arms are about to fall off. “That sucked.”He says and gets a round of agreeing murmurs.

“Injuries, Red Arrow?” Black Canary. Roy shakes his head. “Good. Go home, eat, rest.”

That he balks at all is a sure sign that Kaldur has rubbed off on him. “My report-”

“Can wait until you are not dead on your feet, kid. Go.”

 _Kid_. He makes a face at her and leaves before she can think better of it and give him work.

* * *

He sleeps for twelve straight hours and would have slept more if not for his stomach reminding him that it had been far too long since he’s eaten. Groaning, he sits up slowly, every muscle protesting. Fuck.

Cooking is too much work. And plain boiled eggs is just sad. But anything would better than this gnawing emptiness, and he’s peeling the shell off one when someone beats on his door.

Roy ignores it, only for the  knocking to start up again. “Okay, okay, I’m coming! Fucking hell.”

He shuffles to the door, the soreness in his legs and knees and ankles making him feel old. Flinging it open, he stares. “Kal.” He’s in a long sleeved sweatshirt instead of his usual jacket, and it is not fair that anyone could look that good. It’s not fair that he’s sore and starving and unable to appreciate this sight like he ought.

“You were not answering your phone.” Kaldur tells him, eyeing him up and down, clearly disapproving of something.

“I never do.” Did it have to be Kaldur that got sent to check on him? Anyone else he could have properly gotten mad at. “I think it’s dead right now, anyway.”

“Are you going on another mission?”

Roy stares at him. “What? No, why the fuck -” Oh. He never changed clothes last night, only taken off his mask before collapsing into bed. He sighs. “Come in.”

Kaldur doesn’t demure this time, and thankfully Roy is too exhausted to get properly worked up over Kaldur being in his apartment.

He shuffles back to his room and peels off his clothes with a sigh. Stars, that felt good. He should probably take a shower - a quick check tells him that he looks like shit - but he’s not sure he wouldn’t collapse.

This is probably where most people would think about their crush being a thin wall away and imagine them… ‘helping.’ Not that that sounded necessarily _dis_ agreeable. But he’s not itching for that either. Maybe there _is_ something wrong with him, like he’s been accused in the past.

“I’m a mess.” He grimaces at his reflection before going to throw on questionably cleaner, but definitely looser, clothes.

Kaldur is still there, and this time Roy registers the bag in his hand. And the smells coming from it. “You brought food?” Roy can’t be bothered to blush at the grumbling his stomach makes.

“Mm.” Kaldur sets the bag down on Roy’s small coffee table, shoving aside an abandoned book and various detritus. “Thought you might not have eaten yet. Was going to offer it to Kid Flash if you didn’t want it though.” Meaning that Kaldur thought Roy would have nothing _nutritious_ in his apartment. Which was fair enough - he usually didn’t.

“Give me that.” Roy practically snatches the food Kaldur’s pulled out of the bag. “Wally has people to look after him, I’m keeping this.”

Kaldur grins, and Roy unwraps his sandwich and takes the biggest bite he can manage to keep himself from saying anything unnecessary. Like, _‘you’re cute’_ , or _‘I like it when you smile’_ , or _'I want to kiss you again.’_ It’s difficult, especially with Kaldur sitting right next to him.

Kaldur’s brought enough for them both. “Shrimp again?” Roy chuckles when he sees what Kal’s sandwich is stuffed with.

“It’s good.” Kaldur says. “Can’t get this in Atlantis.”

“Yeah, I imagine frying stuff is difficult down there.”

They eat in silence after that. It’s difficult to not all but inhale his food, but he makes himself slow down. Last thing he wants right now is to make himself sick. Once the ravenous beast in his stomach is temporarily sated, Roy tries to contemplate getting up. But he’s full now, and he’s still unbelievably sore, and tired, and this is his place so it’s no one’s business where he sleeps. Right? Except Kaldur might mind if he conks out right here, using his shoulder like a pillow. He glances sideways and up, and his face warms to find Kaldur looking at him with those beautiful eyes.

“Hey, thanks for that.” He says. A smile, and oh _fuck_ he hasn’t brushed his teeth and Kaldur’s leaning forward. “Uh.”

Kaldur only kisses the tip of his nose and gets up. Fuck. That’s not fair, not even really kissing him and then running. He should say something.

“Don’t leave.” Okay, maybe sound less desperate. “I mean. Uh. Please?” Yeah. Smooth recovery.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Kaldur doesn’t look at him. Fuck, did he do something wrong? Does he smell? Shit, he probably _reeks_. “I know you’re tired, I do not wish to take advantage of-”

“You aren’t.” Roy says gruffly, cutting him off. “Sit your ass back down.”

Kaldur does look at him then, one eyebrow quirked in the way that says he’s suspicious of Roy’s intent, but not so much as to call him on it. After a moment, too long of one for Roy’s liking, Kaldur does sit. Roy immediately drops his head back onto Kaldur’s shoulder.

“Roy?”

“Like you said. I’m tired. But my bed is all the way over there,” Roy gestures, “and I don’t want to get up.”

Quiet. “Are you asking me to carry you?”

Roy sputters at that image and sits up. “What? No!” Not that he wouldn’t like that. Maybe. Better not think about that, actually. “I just. Damnit Kal, just stay here and let me -” _use you as an incredibly cute pillow_  “- rest, okay? You… you can grab a book or something, keep yourself from getting bored.”

This is not a smart idea. Kaldur’s going to think him ridiculous and leave. Roy smells like sweat and he hasn’t washed and Kaldur’s sensitive to smells and he wouldn’t want to sit next himself right now, let alone cuddle. But Kaldur just wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him close. Urges Roy’s head back down on his shoulder. Roy swallows, hoping he’s not blushing, and draws his legs up.

“I have to leave around four.” Kaldur murmurs as Roy closes his eyes.

“That’s all right. Just. Stay for a bit.” And maybe he can pretend this and kissing will be all Kaldur would ever want.

* * *

He doesn’t remember Kaldur leaving. But he wakes up with a blanket draped over him and a pillow under his head. Which hadn’t been out here when he fell asleep.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he spies a note on the now-clean coffee table. ‘Had to go. Left leftovers in the fridge.’ Leftovers? He thought he’d eaten everything earlier. But no, the sneaky bastard _had_ had extra, somehow. He stares at the takeout shoved into his fridge, with the tacky logo stamped all over the paper wrapping. The half-peeled boiled egg sits next to it.

He feels oddly warm and fuzzy inside. If he hadn’t known better, he might think himself sick.

* * *

“Hey Red!” Long, _long_ practice keeps him from jumping when Nightwing appears out of nowhere. “How you doing?”

“Been better,” Roy rasps. At least, if he _must_ suffer through a cold, he’s not feverish. Even if he is practically living on cough drops right now to give his poor lungs a break.

“You’ve sounded better too. Seen a doctor about that?”

Roy snorts dismissively. “ _You_ seen a doctor about _that_?”

Nightwing grimaces and tucks his hand - bulkier than usual - out of sight. “Don’t need to.” Roy rolls his eyes at his stubbornness.

“Well, fortunately, I don’t need to do long distance surveillance in silence.”

“Hm. Just don’t pass it on to Aqualad.”

Roy nearly inhales his cough drop, and ends up with a coughing fit worse than he’s been battling after almost choking himself. “Excuse me? That is _none_ of your business, Nightwing.” It’d be more threatening if his voice wasn’t all raspy from not dying.

Nightwing’s hand stops hovering uselessly over his back. “Is too, if whatever it is you two got between you winds up taking him out. Or you.”

He knows Nightwing too well to think he only means accidentally giving Kaldur this damn cough. Roy glares at Nightwing, unsure if he should be offended over Nightwing’s hidden meaning, or at being tacked on like an afterthought. “Noted,” he says, baring teeth. “Now I suggest you go away and stop bothering me.” He doesn’t need any fake concern, let alone ‘help’ that’ll turn this simple ‘watch the contact and try not to cough up a lung’ mission into explosions.

“You’re no fun to tease anymore.” Nightwing sighs.

“It’s not teasing when you’re being all protective.” He doesn’t like it when Ollie gets all fatherly on him. He _really_ doesn’t like this shit from Nightwing. “What clued you into the fact that Kal’s mortal like the rest of us? Or are you just worried that you’re going to have to step up on being responsible if he’s not around to carry your ass?”

“Oh, excuse _me_ , mister ‘too good to be called a sidekick’ -”

Okay. That’s it. If Nightwing wants to coast on the team, and if Kaldur doesn’t want to call him on it, that’s none of his business, fine. Whatever. What’s _not_ fine is making that somehow _his_ problem that Kaldur might not be paying as much attention to the team as usual. “Fuck off, Nightwing. Or do the surveillance for me so I can go home. But don’t stand there and lecture me over shit that’s none of your fucking business.”

* * *

It really sucks that Kaldur has gone back to Atlantis. Not that he can’t take care of himself or anything. He can. But at least Kaldur would be sympathetic about Roy’s persistent cough.

Actually, he’d probably be just like Dinah and Ollie and tell him to go to a doctor. Assuming Kaldur would have stopped there and not simply dragged his miserable ass in for a check up. But at least Kaldur he could have wheedled soup out of, instead of resorting to store-bought cans. Ugh.

It kind of occurs to him that he should maybe apologize to Nightwing. But at the same time, he’s still pissed over the entire exchange, so there’d be no reason to apologize yet.

(He never does, because then he’d have to admit to being wrong about something. And he’s not wrong about the team letting Kaldur do a lot of heavy lifting. He’ll apologize when that changes.)

* * *

His cough _finally_ goes away on its own - good fucking riddance - and it’s another two weeks before he gets to see Kaldur for more than a passing moment during mission briefs or on the way to - or from - a mission.

But now they’ve managed to catch each other in Watchtower’s library - and this place is in _space_ , why does it need an actual physical library? - and there’s no mission or other concern taking them away. Kaldur’s got a bandage on his upper arm, and Roy had only meant to ask him about it, to make sure he was taking care of himself. Because as bad as he is, Kaldur’s kind of worse about pretending to be invulnerable, what with being Atlantean and thus a bit more impervious to a lot of things than the average hero.

It’s a challenge, getting Kaldur to admit he’s not actually perfect, and sometimes it’s kind of fucking _annoying_ because it’s been over a month since they’ve managed to do more than exchange brief ‘hellos’ and now Kaldur’s gone and gotten _wounded_ -

“It’s nothing,” Kaldur says as Roy traces careful fingers around the edge of the bandage.

“Nothing my ass,” Roy growls. “What’d you do, fist fight a shark or something?”

“Hardly. It’s merely a cut, nothing serious.” Kaldur reaches up, catches Roy’s hand that’s wandered up to Kaldur’s shoulder. “And what about you? You looking for an excuse to feel me up?”

“Uh.” Roy’s mouth goes dry and he freezes for a second before he takes in the tiny amused smirk on Kaldur’s lips. It’s the same one he had when he told Roy that Atlanteans totally and definitely didn’t eat any sort of seafood. He relaxes, and Kaldur’s smirk widens into a full blown smile. “Yeah.” He wasn’t, not _really_ , but now that Kaldur’s brought it up, yeah.

Kaldur moves first, and Roy gasps as he gets pushed back against a wall - thankfully not one of the shelves full of books, he doesn’t want to think about it falling over and explaining that to anyone. The space between them disappears as Kaldur presses their mouths hard together and Roy’s hands scrabble for purchase on Kaldur’s shirt. Kaldur pulls back for half a second and kisses him again, firm and insistent and eager and maybe kind of needy, and that combination more than anything makes it hard to remember how to breath.

Which is silly cause he’s made out plenty of times in the past so he knows how this works. Or should, at least. Something about Kaldur’s unpracticed eagerness makes it hard to think.

Stars above, Kal had paid attention to that comment about chapstick.

Roy manages to move his hands to Kaldur’s face, cupping his cheeks, and pull him back a little. Just a little, so he can see Kaldur’s closed eyes and his golden eyelashes and feel his exhale on his face. “Like this,” he breathes before fitting their mouths together again, softer but no less eager. And definitely needy on his own part.

Teaching Kaldur how he likes to be kissed is something he could do all day. Both of them learning how Kaldur likes to be kissed is something he could do all year.

* * *

_Talking_ to Kaldur about feelings and where whatever this thing between them is going is something he could avoid all century.

* * *

But they probably should talk. _Need_ to talk. Cause they haven’t yet, and watching shitty movies with Kaldur - okay, taking the everloving piss out of awful terrible monster movies, because _exploding fish, really?_ \- has turned into something that’s definitely not watching movies. He’s on his back on his couch, with Kaldur top of him, and Kaldur’s mouth doing devastating things to Roy’s neck as a cool hand creeps up his shirt.

Roy wriggles and gasps as Kaldur’s fingers find a particularly sensitive spot. “Like that?” Kaldur asks, grinning wickedly at him before going back to working on leaving what will probably be an impressive hickey.

“Kaldur.” His fingers clench tight on Kaldur’s arms. The bandage is gone, Kaldur’s wound healed. Not even a scar left. He still hasn’t gotten a solid answer on what happened there.  “Kal.” And honestly, he doesn’t care right now about that. He feels like he’s floating on these hazy waves of pleasure. He can’t even be bothered to fumble for the remote to mute the TV and postpone the fate of the partying beachgoers who’re doubtlessly doomed against the detonating sealife.

“Mm.” Kaldur hums and shifts. Shifts again, and oh, _fuck_. He’s jolted from floating back down to reality and physical responses and where this could all too easily head. Ha, _head_. He’s hilarious.

It takes a moment to get his fingers to cooperate on pushing against Kaldur’s shoulders, instead of pulling. Because he feels _good_ , all things considered, and it’s not like it’d be world-ending to just let it happen and - no. No. He’s tried that, and that didn’t work out either, and it’s not like that’d be fair to Kaldur. Fuck, how’d this get so complicated over something that should be simple?

“Wait.” He huffs, trying to bring himself back down to earth. Away from the warmth suffusing his body, from his heart thudding in his chest, from the easier path of _don’t think just let it happen don’t fight don’t think just go with it let it happen don’t don’t fight think…_

He doesn’t want to fight with Kaldur. Not over _this_ , of all things. Because fighting means anger and saying shit he doesn’t ever mean but says anyway - or that he means but said in the _worst_ possible way - and he doesn’t want to do that with Kaldur. Because Kaldur always gives as good as he gets and Roy’s not sure he wouldn’t shatter this time around.

“Wait.” He says again, before taking in that Kal’s weight is gone and that he’s sat up and shoved himself down against the far arm of the couch where he’s not on top of Roy.

Roy swallows, throat suddenly dry, and sits up slowly. Kaldur’s looking down, hands fidgeting in his lap. “Sorry.” Kaldur says. “That was… too fast, wasn’t it? Sorry. Um.”

This would be easier if his heart would stop beating so loudly. _Don’t fight._ “A little.” Roy says. “Good. But uh.” How did people talk about this without fighting? Without anger and red faced accusations? Fuck. “I, uh.”

Shit. Kaldur’s rubbing his neck now and looking away. If he doesn’t do something to fix this, Kaldur’s going to say something awkwardly bland and run away and hide in the ocean. He can’t let that happen. Can’t, not without trying to reach him.

“I liked that. A bit too much.” He lies. _Doesn’t_ lie. The evidence is in his body and that means he likes it, right? Senseless argument. He gets a similar reaction from adrenaline rushes, doesn’t mean he wants to fuck his _missions_. “Just… um.”

He’s terrible at this. Maybe _he_ should say something awkward and bland and feeble and hide in the arctic. He hears the North Pole is freezing this time of year. Rising noise draws his attention to the TV and the still playing movie and the partying beachgoers fleeing explosions and fish. He jabs at the remote and the screen turns black and the noise goes away. Better.

“I… I’m not ready for that either.” Kaldur says to the coffee table. The halting and stumbling words Roy’s been trying to dredge up scatter. _Either_. Fuck. _Fuck_. So much for hopes. “I didn’t mean to get carried away, just… got caught up. You know?”

“Yeah.” Roy says. Which will hurt him more? Doing this _now_ or waiting until whenever ‘ready’ happens? Either way, there’s no way Kaldur would want to stick around anymore. There’s no way Kaldur would be okay with only every now and then, let alone never … Shit. This is going to hurt, and hurt bad. He’ll be lucky if Kaldur would be willing to still be friends after.

It’s one thing when it’s just himself. It’s one thing when he doesn’t really give a shit about if whoever he’s kissing is going to be heartbroken or hurt or angry or whatever over this.

It’s a whole other thing to know Kaldur would blame himself if Roy doesn’t say something _now_.

“Roy?” A hand on his shoulder, and Roy realizes he’s twisted his fingers into his hair and has been pulling at it again. Kaldur’s eyes search his face, worried and concerned, and Roy bites his lip.

Fuck.

He’s doomed.

Might as well get this over with. Then he can get drunk and deny having feelings, or that they can be hurt, or that he has only himself to blame for getting them hurt.

Roy looks back down at the coffee table. There’s a chip in the wood. He can’t remember if that was always there or not. Probably there when he bought it; it was a really cheap table after all. It’s been witness a good half dozen of these ‘discussions’, and it, at least, has never accused him of not being whole.

“I…” Dammit, drawing this out is not going to make it hurt less. Deep breath, hold it. Exhale slowly. Fail completely to calm the nerves clawing at him. Try again. “I probably won’t ever actually want to, Kal.”

He waits for the hand on his shoulder to jerk away. For Kaldur to say something he can get properly mad at. For Kaldur to just get up and leave and not look back. And really, this’s _Kal_ , he doesn’t do shit like like that - except he’d thought the same about everyone before too. _Shit, Roy, that’s messed up. I’m out._

One day he’ll stop thinking about the past. Right now is not it.

“Okay.” The hand slides across his back as Kaldur gives him a one-armed hug. “That’s fine.” Yeah. Yeah, this’s Kal, and he doesn’t do shit like that. No, not making a big deal out of crap is much more like him. Course he’d say _‘okay’_. That’s how Kal’s team wound up in half the messes they did in the first place, even now after years of experience.

“How can you say that?” He extracts his fingers from his hair, careful to actually let go first. Puts them on his knees. Squeezes hard. His heart is jackhammering, too loud and too eager to accept Kaldur’s easy words. Apparently Kaldur didn’t understand, if he thinks the solution’s that simple. “Fuck, Kal, I’m not joking or anything, you can’t just wait this out or -”

“Roy, look at me.”

“No.” He’s being churlish, but it’s his apartment and his own heart that’s going to be shattered by whatever Kaldur’s going to say so he can be rude if he wants.

“Roy.” Fingers catch his chin and tug, insistent but gentle. “ _Please_.”

He swallows hard, mouth dry. Fuck, fine. For a please he can look Kaldur in the face for whatever’s coming.

“Hey.” Kaldur’s hands come up to cup his face, and for a second Roy’s scared he’s going to be kissed. Because that’s the last thing that needs to happen right now. But Kaldur doesn’t, he just looks at him. “It’s okay, Roy. Really.” A thumb caresses his cheek, right below his eye, and Roy inhales shakily.

“ _How?_ ” Which, he should be happy to hear _‘okay’_ and _‘it’s all right’_ for fucking once. He really should. But past experience has taught him it isn’t, it never is, even if this is Kaldur and Kaldur wouldn’t say that if he didn’t think it was true. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? It always winds up not being true. “Sure it’s fine for now, but what about weeks from now? Months?” _Years_ , he wants to add. Means to, but it catches on the way out.

Kaldur shrugs. “Because I’d rather be around you?” He says it like it’s something obvious that Roy’s missed.

* * *

Roy still goes on solo missions, the idea of being a _sidekick_ still chafing under his skin. Kaldur still leads his team. After, if they aren’t too tired and beat up, if their schedules match up they clean up and go on dates.

Kaldur still kisses him, which is something he’d kind of feared would stop. It doesn’t, not at all, even if sometimes they have to pause and sit back and wait for their bodies to settle down, knees knocking together and hands refusing to part even so.

It’s… kind of nice, even if Roy finds himself waiting for the other shoe to drop. That Kaldur has changed his mind, that this isn’t enough. But slowly, slowly, he manages to relax enough to forget about it.

Maybe this’ll last.

* * *

“They wouldn’t even survive that sort of rapid pressure change.” Kaldur grumbles to the movie as the caged divers plummet deep into the ocean. “Let alone be that _coherent_.”

“Be a boring rest of the movie.” Roy’s fingers trail over the shell of Kaldur’s ear. He shifts as best he can, what with Kaldur lying on top of him - the arm of the couch is not the most comfortable pillow. Kaldur waits til he’s done adjusting and then tucks his head back under Roy’s chin.

“Only if they didn’t use their imaginations, Roy.”

Roy closes his eyes, content with Kaldur’s occasional disapproving comments to fill him in on what was happening on in the movie. He feels happy. Content. Safe, with Kaldur’s fingers rubbing small circles along the arm he’s got slung over Kaldur’s chest. The only thing that tells him the movie’s over - beyond the swelling of music and a lack of Kaldur complaining about the worst diving practices _ever_ \- is Kaldur’s sigh and nuzzling against him. “Sleepy? You haven’t said much.”

“Mm. Just wool gathering.” Arguably ought to be tired what with having been on one mission or another for five out of the past six days. But they’d been mostly easy recon missions that had _not_ blown up because he knows what _stealth_ actually means. Sometimes he thinks he should offer primers for Kaldur’s team but they’d probably take offense. “Been thinking, actually.”

“What about?”

Roy hesitates then, cause things have been good, these past few months. Really good. Enough that he doesn’t want to unbalance everything. Course, he’s survived things going sideways and shit before, but those times he wouldn’t have lost Kal too. That extra danger gives the fear an extra edge. And he’d rather lose several teeth first before actually admitting that out loud.

And… all the pretty and nice words he’d come up with thinking about this earlier are gone. Great. Simple and crude route, then.

“Do you… want to? Have sex, that is.”

If Kaldur’s attention had lapsed in the time he took him to actually ask, he’s got all of it back now. “Um?” Kaldur turns and shifts so his back isn’t against Roy anymore, so he can push himself up one elbow. He looks right at Roy and the confusion at Roy offering _that_ , especially after making it clear such a thing was off-limits, is clear in his eyes. “Why?”

Roy shrugs, face heating. He makes himself meet Kaldur’s confused gaze for all that he’d really rather not. “I just… I dunno. It was just a question, Kal.” Defensiveness rises in his voice despite his efforts to squash it. It’s harder than he expects because usually he’s feeding the feeling, not stopping it.

“Is this because I told you about still liking Tula?”

Roy scoffs in denial and looks away. Then bites his lip. “Maybe?”

He remembers that night, with him and Kaldur coming onto the Watchtower from a mission, to find Garth and Tula waiting for Kaldur. Remembers the subtle changes on Kaldur’s face as they told him of their upcoming marriage, and if he would be home for the ceremony. Remembers holding Kaldur in private later, as Kaldur did his best to _not_ admit he felt anything but happiness for them.

Remembers not being proud of the emotions that had welled in his chest then.

Kaldur does that thing where he starts to sigh and then swallows it. A weight on his shoulder tells him Kaldur’s settled back down on top of him. But that warm, kinda fuzzy feeling from earlier is gone, replaced with a tense nervousness that buzzes through his jaw and neck and down his spine.

“Roy, I didn’t mean to upset you, telling you that. I can… keep those things to myself, if it bothers you.”

“I know you aren’t going to do anything.” At least, when he’s using his brain. And even when he’s not, that’s not what he’s afraid of. “I do feel a little jealous? I don’t know.”

Kaldur’s hand on his cheek turns him back to face him. “And you went from jealous to ‘let’s have sex’?”

“Yeah, well.” His eyes flick away for a moment, then back to Kaldur. “If you were with her, you’d probably be getting _some_ action, you know? So.” He shrugs and immediately stiffens as Kaldur starts to laugh. “What?”

“No, no, it’s fine, Roy. Really.” Kaldur says between chuckles.

“I fail to see how that was _funny_?” Here he is, trying to be a good boyfriend, and compromise and all that, and Kaldur laughs at him? He’s kind of offended, for all that he’s kinda relieved Kaldur hasn’t taken him up on the offer. Yet.

“It’s… sweet of you?” Kaldur finally gets ahold of himself, a grin on his face. “But I have tried it before? It was not anything life changing.”

What. _What_.

Did he wake up in an alternate universe and he’s only just now noticing fifteen hours later?

“Kaldur? You told me that I was your _first kiss_?”

“Mm.” Kaldur settles down, head cushioned on one arm, and Roy turns on his side so he can see Kaldur without getting a crick in his neck. He knows his eyes are wide with disbelief. He doesn’t bother hiding it.

“Stars, Kal, you gotta tell me what happened.”

“Nothing that special?” Kaldur shrugs. “I was curious, and a, um, friend of mine from Shayeris was also curious. So we decided to sate that curiosity. But we did not kiss - that would have made it gay.”

“ _Excuse me?_!” Kaldur’ahm of Shayeris and Atlantis did _not_ just utter such words. Did he? Maybe Roy actually is in that alternate universe. Maybe this is a pod-person replacement of Kaldur. Roy pinches himself just to make sure he’s awake.

“I was fifteen and very certain that I only liked girls. I don’t defend the logic beyond that.”

“Wow. _Wow_.”

“So, when I say that it’s fine, it’s fine, okay Roy?”

That brings Roy back to the present instead of trying to picture fifteen year old Kaldur _propositioning_ some guy for ‘totally not gay’ sex. “You’re certain?” He hates that he needs the reassurance.

“Very certain.” Kaldur leans forward and presses a soft, light kiss to Roy’s lips.

“At least that explains why you were laughing.” He’s not going to be sour about this. He’s especially not going to be weird and jealous over someone he’s never met touching Kaldur. “So, uh, you still talk to that guy or anything?”

Okay, maybe he’s going to be a little jealous.

“I do not.” Kaldur’s still grinning. Fingers trail up his jaw, curl around the back of his neck. Roy’s eyes flutter closed as Kaldur leans in and kisses him more thoroughly. “And I would not trade this, what I have with you, right here and now, for the world, Roy.”

“You really know how to make a guy feel special.” He has to clear his throat to keep his voice from being rough. His heart’s aflutter and it makes words he’s not certain of seem like a good idea. But he’s already risked enough tonight alone, and he buries his head against Kaldur’s shoulder to keep himself from saying anything rash. “Same here.” It’s all he can manage. It’s enough for now.


End file.
